Updated: Mar 26, 2019
One of the biggest thing that held me back from pursuing my most realistic dreams for many years was my fear of failure and the lack of self-confidence that I needed to overcome that fear. By working on my self-confidence and self-esteem it not only helped me overcome by fears, but I was finally able to try to pursue my greatest dreams. Don't get me wrong, I still have some fears, but now I know that I can beat them, and know I can climb the mountains to get to the other side. There are many actions you can take to increase your self-confidence, it's not genetic, it definitely can be changed. Actions like grooming yourself, dressing nicely, thinking positive, killing all negative thoughts, acting positive. For me, it was several factors that allowed me to get over this hump. My self-image needed vast improvement, and I started a mass-overhaul with my physical appearance. I know if I looked good, I would feel good. The clothes I was accustomed to wearing was expensive, comfortable but did not match my body and I knew others might of thought differently of me because of the baggy fit. It hit me one day that I have a great body.
I have worked out for years in the gym and it would be the perfect time to start showing it off. I slid down to a medium size from a large for all of my shirts, I purchased an entire new wardrobe of pants that actually fit and that I custom tailored for a even better fit. I put away all of my Jordan sneakers and bought a closet full of classy shoes. I got rid of all of those dirty big jackets and coats and purchase ones that fit and was stylish. I started to see an immediate difference in my attitude. Executives started saying hello to me in the hallways. Young ladies started to compliment me on my gear. I woke up everyday wanting to go to work, instead of looking at it like a drag. I couldn't wait for Mondays to come along to start my week. I. I improved my self-care dramatically. I started to go for manicures to get my nails nice and clean. I went to the barber for haircuts every week, I went for facials, massages, and started cryptotherapy. I was starting to look like a million bucks, which made me feel like a million bucks. But I didn't stop there. This was all physical stuff on the outside, but I knew true confidence would have to come within.
The reading of books and listening to podcasts over the last 8 months have definitely helped my in my quest for self-confidence. The words that my mentors have preached into my head has definitely stuck in me and I'm able to take away with something new every time I listen to them. No matter what the topic is, from eliminating fear, increasing self-awareness, eliminating doubt or just pursue my dreams without anyone or anything holding me back it has dramatically helped me reach a mark where I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I was starting to believe in myself. I'v always had faith in my abilities, but I knew if I had confidence I can have more fun, and when I have fun in life I do amazing things.
Through education, I didn't just develop skills, I didn't just develop the ability to learn, but I developed confidence. For anyone who has personally known me, for the last few years, I was socially non interactive. I tuned myself out of conversations, I was not amused by boring dialogue, I often was mad/upset with the world, held grudges in people and busy on my phone 24/7. I rarely voiced my opinion in large groups and it was reflected and perceived by others that I had social anxiety. My self-esteem was at an all-time low and didn't really know what to say in large groups. However, I was able to change my attitude and the way I thought about myself, which ultimately reflected how others thought of me. I did a lot research on the topic and learned to break these patterns my inserting myself and learning how to control a crowd. Through conversation which included voicing my opinion, asking asking questions, and humor I am able to become more engaged and enjoy conversations more. My confidence not only increased to the point where I felt comfortable, but almost to a point where I'm arrogant and conceded. I walk now with a swag feeling like "I'm the shit". My body language, eye contact, posture, tone in my voice, and calm, cool, collective attitude displays a man who is a "bad ass" .
A great figure or physique is nice, but it's self-confidence that makes someone really sexy. I've realized this as I went to through the motions of being an amateur bodybuilder. It is not in how someone looks, but how someone feels that makes them feel confident. Its true what they say "you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice". I have fell down many times, but still always had the courage to stand back up. Through discipline and training, I was personally able to kick a lot of bad habits in my life. I was able to bust out of plateaus when I did not think I was gonna past. I always saw a silver lining at the end, and knew that brighter days were ahead. It took concentration, focus and sacrifice, but I knew the outcome of my hard work would be far from rewarding. I'm proud of the man I have become, I have made such strong strides. I have made mistakes in my past, but my greatest wisdom comes from embracing my mistakes. I was able to learn, build, and never repeat the same mistakes that I have done in the past. The older you get the wiser you get, if your able to learn from your mistakes then it definitely serves as a life lesson. You gotta roll with the punches and go with the flow. Confidence is good, but overconfidence always sinks the ship. The quickest way to acquire self-confidence is to do exactly what your are afraid to do. I really fear very little in life now, I'm not scared where life takes me. Not scared of the path where my life goes. I control what I can, and do not let things that I cant control bother me.
I dont stress, worry, or think about it much. I'm so confident in my way of thinking that I rarely pay much attention to the small thoughts that enter my head. In the past, the negative thoughts in my head use to take control and I use to over analyse every little thought. It brought me down, it made me go crazy, and I didnt go with my first judgement. I couldnt make a decision. I was non-decisive. It was sickening, it showed I had no courage, no confidence, I was not a man. I am glad I'm able to make such decisions now with force and authority. I see many people in my family like this now, and it is just sad to see grown men that can't be a force in the world. Believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic. My best advice is to be original, be proud, take risks.
My path to success has not been easy. I had to work myself up ladders and have fell off many times. It takes time, dedication and hard work in order to be recognized for talents in order to gain recognition. Confidence plays a big part in how successful you are. If your able to be up-front, tell it the way it is, be an encourager and a leader then having success in life is something that is obtainable. There are many different definitions of "success" and everyone's definition is different. My definition is someone who strives in life to be the best version they can be, someone that is admired, enjoys life, has a career, financially stable, able to love, and one who breaths confidence. This is only my personal opinion and everyone has their opinions on what success in their life defines.
Bottom line, if you dont believe in yourself, there is no point in trying to convince others. Why should others believe in you, when you don't even believe in yourself. Think positive, get to know yourself, be kind, get prepared, stand tall, be grateful and work on the small things that help you inhale confidence. Don't be scared of what other's will think of you. Be unique, original and be the best version of yourself. Get out there and exercise, take care of your body, for it will pay off by enriching your mind as well. Speak with authority, correct your posture, dress nicely. There are so many killer actions to boost your self-confidence to list on this short blog, but be sure to purchase my book that I 'm publishing in November for a more in-depth vision on how to increase confidence. For now, I'm signing off, your boy Deucey.